Wow!! How did it get to be 2009 already?? Weren't we just preparing for Y2K a few months ago?? Don't laugh now, but yes, sometimes it really does feel that way. I'm afraid that I have a nasty habit of letting time get away from me. I'm a procrastinator--big time. Why do today what you can put off until tomorrow!!?? Sadly, much of it is this mindset that us "messy perfectionists" have which comes down to the idea that "I cannot do __________ unless this, that and the other is first accomplished". It shows up in nearly every area of my life and each role that I play: wife, mother, teacher, domestic engineer, office manager, artist and even (and most sadly) being a Christian. It's a curse and by far my worst shortcoming. I take time for granted and miss many opportunities while waiting for just the right circumstances to magically see to it that my tasks are done. I'm often big on dreams and short on accomplishment.
And why am I tattling on myself this way? Well, I've been thinking about "New Year's Resolutions". Last year I decided not to have any--and that didn't turn out so good. I mean life carried on and all but I just didn't have any new goals to reach for--and that is NOT good for me. I have a hard time reaching my hard-to-live-up-to ideals anyway--but at least I have a direction in which to travel. Without my goals it's like going on vacation without a destination in mind. I drive around seeing the sights, and even have a good time, but in the end most of that time wasn't spent very productively and a lot of my time ended up being wasted.
So this year I thought that I would evaluate my roles and at have at least one resolution to keep me reaching a little higher. So here they are...
1) Christian. This may seem vague but I need to spend more time in the word and in prayer. I don't want to set a goal of reading X amount everyday or spending X minutes in prayer because it doesn't take long, with our crazy household, for me to fall behind and then there's the feelings of guilt and futility that do more harm than good. I would also like to commit more time to memorizing scripture and working with the kids to memorize more too.
2) Wife. One of the dangers that I think of my parents generation, and of ours as well, is that we want our children to be "happy" and we go out of our way to give them the things they want and defer to their wishes. I know that I grew up thinking that the world really did revolve around me. As an adult and a wife it is hard to defer my wishes to those of my husband. Sometimes I get hurt that he just doesn't want to make me "happy" and do everything my way. So my resolution in this area is to stop thinking of myself/my ideas/my desires as more important than DH's and to submit to him more gracefully (I can make a pretty ugly scene sometimes!!).
3) Mother. Focus on NOT allowing my life to revolve around making my children "happy" so much. I know that they aren't going to be thrilled with this resolution!! :-) My eyes are being opened to seeing that this is a handicap rather than an asset. Life can be quite unpleasant sometimes and we need to find peace in living through less than "happy" circumstances. If this time of economic uncertainty continues in the direction that it is going, our family, with our small business, may have some really hard times ahead of us (and we ARE already struggling). The children will be much better off if we begin now to wean ourselves off of our "lavish" lifestyle (eating convenience foods and new electronics, etc...). If things do indeed get bad, we will have a head start on surviving and fights over "happiness" will be on more realistic topics rather than purely selfish ones.
4) Teacher. We have gotten behind in our studies. The children have definite gaps. I resolve that this year we will get caught up and do some of the projects I have wanted to do and haven't gotten around to. Also I have fallen away from reading to the children. Both during school time and before bed. I am getting back to that now and hope to continue for a good long time. It appears that the children have less of a zeal to read on their own when I do not read to them. Not good.
5) Domestic Engineer. Organize!!! Already I have made some progress in this area, going through closets and bookshelves. I'm listing stuff on EBay, throwing out, and giving away. DH hates how I tackle the closets first when I do a deep cleaning/organizing--but the success of having a clean and organized space in which to store things really boosts my spirits--and it helps me to work through to completion.
6) Office Manager. I'm really terrible with filing and keeping my workspace/office tidy. I fall behind in my paperwork often. Our Internet service is at our office we have in town so I tend to get sidetracked by playing online. It's freeing to not have Internet at home and I can focus on being home while I am there, but it's a real temptation to spend a lot of time surfing while I am supposed to be working. So in essence, my resolutions in this area are to be to be more diligent to finish up to completion my tasks, be more tidy, and not to spend so much time on the Internet.
7) Artist. Ok so I'm not really an artist--but I am artistic. ;-) My "messy perfectionism" really comes into play in this area and I tend to start/plan lots of awesome projects but have trouble finishing them because I feel this need to have a huge block of interrupted time to work. I know that most "moms of many" have loads of that, right?! Giggle. So anyway... I resolve to have my craft/sewing spaces and projects better organized so that I can take advantage of the smaller blocks of time to work so that I can accomplish more in less time. Sounds easy. :-)
I think that my resolutions this year have two major themes: Organization and Self Denial. I so want to get to the end of 2009 and look back and say, "Yes, things were crazy but look at what we accomplished". Yessiree!! That's a plan.