Friday, November 7, 2008

Happy Birthday to our Angel Jessica

Yesterday would have been the 15th birthday of our daughter Jessica. She died only moments after birth from a lethal dwarfism called Thanatophoric Dysplasia. We learned of her condition just weeks before the birth during an extremely difficult time of our lives. We had lost our home to flooding (we lived along the Mississippi River in a slough area--the place I have loved living the most), just started our new business, had been living in a 23' RV in a campground for months because no one would rent to us since we had 5 children, and our youngest (Daughter #2) had just been diagnosed with the same heart defect that Daughter #1 had (Atrial Septal Defect with a Partial Pulmonary Venous Return Anomaly) and would need surgery as well . No sooner had a kind friend let us stay in the home they were planning to remodel and we were settled in, I had an ultrasound done and we discovered our daughter's condition.

I confess that from the moment of learning that I was pregnant with Jessica I was very unhappy. DH and I were not getting along very well at all and nothing seemed to be going well for me. I was angry with the Lord for "blessing" us again. Not a proud moment in our Quiver Full life, I'm afraid. I spent the whole pregnancy wishing it away, whining to God about how unfairly I was being treated. Oh to take it all back!!

The last few weeks of my pregnancy were a literal hell what with the guilt I was feeling, the sadness of the children, and the doctors continual hounding to "terminate the pregnancy". I won't share the birth story today as I'm hoping to soon write out all of my birth experiences one by one. But I will say that her birth changed our lives forever in how we viewed hospitals and doctors.

On each of her birthdays we've had cake of some sort but these past few years we have had strawberry shortcake using "Angel" food cake. It is especially good for the children to remember her and celebrate her birth day.

Someday we will meet our little daughter again. Her body will be healed and we will be together again. Until then... Happy Birthday little angel daughter.

1 comment:

Georgiann said...

Hi Kris,
I sorry to hear of your losses. I am looking forward to read your birth stories. They change us forever,each blessing molds and shapes us into who we are today.
I have written 2 of my 6 stories so far!

Peace in Christ,
Georgiann